Tag: family

Y for Yo Yo Life

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Life is a bit like a Yo Yo. The fact that the lymphoma has vanished is encouraging, although that is what I expected. It is the doubt cast over “possible malignant process in the mesentery” that causes concern.

The visit to the colorectal surgeon was an eye opener. Just as well I read the reviews about him online before attending the surgery. He didn’t have what one would call a bedside manner and mumbled as he talked so it was hard to understand everything he said but apparently he is very competent which is the most important thing.

He booked me into Wollongong Public Hospital for a laparoscopic biopsy of mesenteric lymph nodes in eleven days time. He couldn’t do it sooner and is going away in three week’s. He described the operation, especially the “exciting” bits where his face lit up with enthusiasm. Obviously he loves his job.

That means changing my medical appointment for my driver’s licence. In NSW, when you turn 75, you have to undergo a medical examination every year to prove you are still capable of being on the road. This time it will be accompanied by a Health and Welfare check which is funded by Medicare for the over 75s. That definitely does not apply to me, I keep thinking. I can’t be that old.

I have moved that appointment to thirteen days time so hope I’m up and about by then. As this is all happening in April, I hope to be able to inform you of the result of the biopsy by the time we get to Z.

I have to consider the next option if the biopsy shows signs of lymphoma. The haemotologist offhandedly said if lymphoma recurred I would go to Westmead Hospital for CAR T-Cell Therapy and then I would be cured. Such confidence!

I thought I had better prepare for the worst so did some digging. Westmead Hospital is a leading centre in Australia for CAR T-Cell therapy. The specialised immunotherapy offered involves reprogramming a patient’s own T-cells to attack cancer cells. It involves an initial hospital stay of 10 to 14 days. Following discharge the patient must stay within one hour of the hospital for at least 30 days for close monitoring of side effects like cytokine release syndrome. The hospital is 1 hour and 20 minutes by car from my home and 33 minutes from my daughter.

That looks like a lot of driving! Let’s hope it doesn’t come to that but one has to be prepared. I wasn’t concerned when I spoke to the haematologist but reading the reports from the CT scan and the PET scan are considerably more scary.

Let’s hope Z is for Zero signs of lymphoma, Zero further treatment, and Zero worries. Or it could be Zen, a state of calm, peace and acceptance of the present moment.

R for Resolutions and Plans

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Georgy Girl

The Seekers 1966

Hey there, Georgy girl
Swingin’ down the street so fancy-free
Nobody you meet could ever see
The loneliness there
Inside you

Hey there, Georgy girl
Why do all the boys just pass you by?
Could it be you just don’t try
Or is it the clothes you wear?

Today, in April, 1967, I am turning 16, so my mother and I are celebrating by having lunch at the Camden Valley Inn.  My mother gave me a bracelet with my grandmother’s hair in it which I think is just amazing.  It is sure to be a conversation starter when I’m with other people. I’m in fifth year at Bowral High School and my name is Isabella.

My family is very small.  There is my mother, Elsa, my grandmother Kay (she changed her name from Myrtle) and my Great Uncle Claude.  My father died when I was 10, of a heart attack. My mother married him when she was 18. She had left Lucy Secors in Melbourne and was working as a receptionist in a hotel in Goondiwindi. My father was staying at the hotel and the rest is history.  I wasn’t born until 15 years later in Mildura, which is in far west Victoria. I think my mother is the most amazing person. She is a very successful businesswoman and has turned the business around since my father died.

My first school was in Sydney but we all moved to the country when I was six. I love the freedom, the space, the animals and the peace and quiet and I’m used to my own company. Exploring the gully behind my home and riding my bike are favourite activities.

For the Higher School Certificate I am studying English, History, Maths, Science, Geography and Art.  My favourite subject apart from English is Art, because it is so creative.  My mother says that when I complete the HSC we will fly to New Zealand for a holiday. It will be my first trip overseas.

I’m hopeless at competitive sport which may be because I’m short sighted.  I choose swimming every summer and tennis, table tennis or athletics in winter. I am involved in the Inter School Christian Fellowship and have been chosen to be President next year. That involves organising and leading meetings every Friday lunchtime which is a bit daunting but will improve my confidence in public speaking.

I spend far too much time watching TV instead of studying.  My favourite TV show is Star Trek.  I have a picture of Mr Spock in the lid of my school case.  I love anything to do with Space and Astronomy is my favourite part of Science.

I’m learning the piano and enjoy it but probably don’t practise enough. My mother can play by ear and is very good. Sewing is another of my hobbies. I make most of my own clothes and used to take sewing as a subject at school but dropped it after the School Certificate.

Another hobby is the Argonauts Club.  It is a radio program on at 5 o’clock every afternoon.  They are always asking for contributions to do with art, music, nature, drama, current affairs etc.and award blue certificates for the best ones. Six blues equals a book so I have added considerably to my library.  I also get the Childrens’ Newspaper and won a Malvern Star bicycle this year by writing lots of contributions for six months.

I am wearing my senior school uniform and posing with the bike I won.

When I finish my HSC I hope to get a scholarship to train to be a teacher.  I would like to teach English and History at high school but am also considering primary school teaching.  

I don’t go out much except to church at Colo Vale and Mittagong.  All my social activities revolve around church except for the school social which is held twice a year. We have to practise old time dancing for a few weeks before the social, including the waltz, Canadian Three Step, Pride of Erin and Progressive Barn Dance.

I do a lot of reading, mainly books by authors we study at school.  I have read most of Jane Austin, Charles Dickens, D.H. Lawrence and Thomas Hardy.  The saddest book is Tess of the D’Urbervilles which ends with the doomed Tess and Angel meeting at Stonehenge. That brings me back to my plans.  After I teach for three years I will resign, travel by ship to England and teach in London.  From there I will be able to travel all over Europe.  I don’t want to get married until I am 26 so I have a lot to look forward to.  The next ten years will be very exciting!

Q for Questions About the Future

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As Time Goes By

Sung by my favourite singer, Rudy Vallee 1931

You must remember this
A kiss is still a kiss
A sigh is just a sigh
The fundamental things apply
As time goes by

And when two lovers woo, they still say, “I love you”
On that you can rely
No matter what the future brings
As time goes by

It is the 25th August, 1933 and it is my 16th birthday.  My name is Elsa May Hall although my birth certificate says Elsie Mary Hall.  The woman who registered my name made a mistake with my middle name and I don’t like Elsie.  Elsa is much more grown up.

This is me when I was younger. I can’t find any recent photos.

My mother gave me a gold bracelet for my 16th birthday.  She wants to start a family tradition of passing it down to the firstborn girl in each generation of the family.  I wonder will I have a daughter to give it to?  I find it a bit unusual as it has her hair plaited inside it.  Apparently, some admirer of hers gave it to her but she didn’t marry him.  When she was 20 she ran away with a much older man (my father) and they were married in Melbourne. I was born in 1917 in a little railway cottage in Williamstown.  My mother was very sick afterwards and nearly died.  I started school in Williamstown when I was six so I was much older than the other children.  I was only at the school a short while when my mother said, “We are leaving on a train to go to Sydney today.” I didn’t ever see my father again.

Mother rented a house in Glebe and I started school at Forest Lodge.  I was happy there, as I made one very close friend called Ruth.  My favourite thing to do when I got home from school was to ride my scooter down the gently sloping path in Jubilee Park.  Ruth told me I was too old to ride a scooter but I loved the feeling of speed and the wind in my hair. I remember one day when I was in sixth class rushing in the front door, telling my mother excitedly about my promotion in the netball team.  She told me to sit down and listen.  She said that times were hard and dressmaking jobs were scarce so we were moving to Queensland.  She had a job at a cattle station as a housekeeper and cook so there would be food, accommodation and some money as well.  I didn’t realise that the cattle station was a long way from the nearest town of Charleville.  Nor did I realise the nearest high school was in Roma, hundreds of miles away.

It took several days to travel to Roma by train.  Instead of going to the cattle station, Mother took me to a hostel for students whose homes were a long way from the school.  I hated it.  I didn’t make friends and the food was awful.  I started school at Roma High School but was very unhappy.  In fact, I thought about running away but where would I go? I sent so many letters to Mother she must have realised that something needed to be done.  One weekend she arrived and took me to a house near the school.  The owner had a spare bedroom and said she would treat me like her own daughter.  At least now I had my own room but I didn’t like the woman at all.  She would make notes if I did anything to displease her and then she would send letters to my mother.  She also expected me to do housework the minute I got home from school and I didn’t think that was part of the agreement so we argued a lot.

It all came to an end when I made a friend.  Like me, he was an outsider.  His parents were Greek and ran the local fish and chip shop. We would walk home from school together and one day the snoopy landlady saw us.  Of course, she wrote to Mother straight away and said I was “boy mad”.  Mother arrived next weekend and decided that as I was almost 15, it was time to leave school and start dressmaking.

I thought I might be living with Mother at the station but a letter arrived to say my father had died and his sister (my aunt) was offering me accommodation while I did my training as a dressmaker.  Before I knew it, I was travelling by train to Williamstown, which I had left nearly ten years earlier.

I am now working at Lucy Secors.  It is a dressmaking firm which employs hundreds of girls, training them from the ground up.  I spend two or three months perfecting each part of a garment.  Starting with seams I progressed to collars and then to sleeves and buttonholes.  It is all very boring.  My aunt and uncle are quiet people, and my cousin is not at all exciting.  

1927 advertisement in “The Home” magazine for Lucy Secor from Circa Vintage Clothing Archive 4th June 2015

So here I am.  Everyone expects me to work my way up through the ranks at Lucy Secors until I become a manager or get married.  I have a good mind to pack it in at the end of the year and go back up to Queensland.  Maybe I can get a job dressmaking with what I have learnt. What does my future hold? I hope it’s a bit more exciting than my life has been so far.  Things have got to get better.

P for Plaiting a lock of my long fair hair

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When You Were  Sweet Sixteen

I love you as I never lov’d before,

Since first I met you on the village green

Come to me, or my dream of love is o’er.

I love you as I lov’d you

When you were sweet, when you were sweet sixteen.

Written by James Thornton 1896 

It is August the 8th, 1913 and I have just turned 16.  My name is Myrtle May Lock but everyone calls me Tillie because I hate my name.  I have a sister called Ruby (she hates her name too) who is 12, a brother called Charles (known as Charlie) aged 10 and a little brother called Claude, aged 7. Claude fell off the bed on his head when he was a baby and has never been quite right since.  He is always sick and misses so much school.  As a result, I missed a lot of school too, looking after him as Mother is often unwell.  I left as soon as I could at the age of 13 so did not ever go to high school.

Father said I had to have a trade as I should not have to depend on the family or a husband to provide for me.  I had the choice of dressmaking or millinery.  I decided that dresses were more important than hats and liked the idea of working with clean, soft material instead of my parent’s job running a smelly fish shop. At least Father now sells second hand goods and Mother can rest a bit more.

As the oldest in the family, I am always expected to do most of the work.   My sister Ruby avoids it when possible and is very demanding. When Father bought a cow everyone wanted to learn to milk it.  Everyone but me.  I knew that when the novelty wore off, I would be the one getting up early in the morning to milk the cow. I can’t avoid the weekly silver polishing, however.  Every Saturday morning, we four children must sit at the table and polish all the cutlery, the teapot, coffee pot, sugar bowl and milk jug.  When I have my own home, I’m not having anything made of silver.  Why make work for yourself?

As it is I work long hours five days a week at the dressmakers, measuring the ladies and drafting patterns for their gowns. I do most of the stitching by hand although we have a Singer treadle sewing machine for making linings in some of the dresses. We receive copies of the latest European fashions in magazines like “Gazette du Bon Ton” from France and “Harpers Monthly” from America.

That reminds me.  I was reading a magazine a few days ago and it went into great detail about the “unsinkable ship”, the Titanic, which hit an iceberg travelling from England to America. Over a thousand people drowned.  I have decided I am never going on a ship, ever.

Have you seen my birthday present?  Oh, I know I received the usual handkerchiefs, combs and linen for my glory box but wait until you see what else I have.  

I have an admirer!  He is much older than me and isn’t all that good looking, but he is very kind and has a lovely big house.  My father doesn’t approve of him so all I will say is that his initials are S.B. He asked for a lock of my hair!  In fact, he said, “Please may I have a lock from Miss Lock”.  I didn’t know what he was going to do with it but I snipped a long strand for him to take away with him.  Today he presented me with a blue velvet box.  I opened it carefully and inside was a gold bracelet!  It looked as though some plaited leather was threaded through the gold but it turns out, it was my hair.  On the inside is inscribed “From S.E.B. 9-8-13” and on the outside, in a gold shield, are my initials, MML. I shall wear it all the time.

I think my father thinks if I leave home and marry S.B there will be no one to help my mother but then it will be Ruby’s turn.  It’s time she did her share!

Father has stopped me from doing many exciting things.  Just recently a new photographic shop opened in the main street of Stawell.  I was looking at the pictures in the window when the owner came outside and asked if I would like to have my photograph taken.  He said he would put it in the front window to show people what he could do.  I had to wrap a sheet around my shoulders and let my hair down to my waist.  You should have heard the gossips when my photograph appeared in the window. The photographer told me a week or so later that a friend from Melbourne had seen the picture and thought I should try out to be a model for the big department store Myer. My father said no way would he let me go and model in Melbourne so I am doomed to spend my life in Stawell sewing dresses for wealthy ladies who seem to have a lot more fun than I do.

I wonder what the future holds?   Will I marry S.E.B.?  Will I leave Stawell and live somewhere more exciting, like Melbourne?  Will I have children and grandchildren? Will I be happy? Only time will tell.

O for Occupying Myself During Treatment

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The New Zealand actor, Sam Neill, wrote his memoir “Did I Ever Tell You This” while steroids kept him awake at night. He was diagnosed with angioimmunoblastic T-cell lymphoma, a rare, aggressive type of non-Hodgkin’s lymphoma. He is currently in remission but with infusions every two weeks to keep it at bay. His memoir is not about cancer as that is something he wants to put at the back of his mind. Such an inspiration and role model!

It would be good if I could say I learnt a new skill or wrote the great novel during my self-enforced hibernation.

The piano lay untouched when I could have been practising.  The Swedish Death Cleaning which I so enthusiastically started, lapsed into apathy. My days followed a regular rhythm of meal prep, cleaning up and washing and drying clothes.  The rest of the time was spent reading or listening to audio books.  I attempted to complete Sudokus, enjoyed Wordle and Quordle and Octordle. Pilfer had me playing against the computer and winning (on level 1). Watching TV took place mainly in the evenings and occasionally at lunchtime, when I enjoyed Escaping to the Country and drooling over beautiful houses.  The summer drifted by, largely spent indoors with the air conditioning on.

Writing my daily journal was a ritual before bed each night, listing my side effects and comparing them with the previous cycle. Not exactly a memoir!

There was something I needed to complete before March as my granddaughter’s 16th birthday was approaching.  It is a family tradition to pass on to the next generation a gold bracelet belonging to my grandmother.  She had been given the bracelet when she turned 16, in 1913.  She gave it to my mother when she turned 16.  In turn it was passed on to me at the same age.  When my daughter’s turn came she asked if I would look after it as she went travelling all over the world. It was still in my care as the time came again to pass it on to the next generation.

The owner of the bracelet, Myrtle May Lock

I came up with a plan to write a series of stories called “When I was 16”, showing how life has changed for teenagers over the past hundred years.  I was fortunate to have some lovely photographs of my grandmother around that age but only younger ones of my mother so that would have to do.  I looked back to my own life at 16 and asked my daughter to write about her life at that time as well.  There was such a contrast in the lives of the four women in the stories.  For my granddaughter the significance of the bracelet would be multiplied by the stories of its owners.

In the next post you will go back in time to 1913 and find out the origin of the gold bracelet.

K for Kindness

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When people hear that someone has cancer they are often unsure what to do and say.  I wasn’t expecting to hear from anyone except for my family but even in my short time in hospital I had an unexpected visit from a friend who brought some mandarins and lots of good cheer.

It wasn’t long before friends from the General Bewilderment Lane (that’s what we originally called our Aqua Fit group when we were Aqua Joggers) were calling to see when they could visit.  I was very aware of my low immunity so we agreed on no hugs and even masks on the first few occasions. A knock at my front door one day revealed flowers and soaps from the thoughtful Aqua Joggers.

They arrived in pairs with coffee from Mo at Praha, the coffee shop at the uni pool.  He had made it just how I like it. They helped us put the cover on the caravan and move it to its parking space in the back yard.  After all, it wasn’t going to be used for a while.

More Aqua Joggers arrived, armed with take away coffee and muffins, but when I worked out my good days I started making coffee for them with my new coffee machine.  It is a Breville Barista Pro, replacing my old one which was due for retirement. Another “Why Not?” purchase.

One couple brought us a chicken pie to save on cooking.  This was most welcome as my main motivation when cooking is hunger and my appetite had gone.

Out of the blue another group, my daughter’s Book Club, donated Dinner Ladies’ meals to save on cooking.  

My daughter had also arranged for John to order some Light and Easy meals.  My Hello Fresh subscription supplied three meals a week which still had to be prepared and cooked but required very little thinking. It looked like we weren’t going to starve and I found once the food was in front of me, I could eat it and maintain my weight.

One friend remained quiet for a few weeks. Then I received a message from her asking when we were going out for lunch.  It seems she deleted her emails and missed my message about my health crisis.  As soon as she found out I had cancer she came over to our house, laden with flowers and rich little cakes from Massimos. 

Emails, phonecalls and texts kept me in touch with the outside world.  One friend wanted to know all the details of my diagnosis and treatment which gave me free reign to vent.

When I finally returned to Aqua Fit four weeks after my final chemo it was wonderful to catch up with people who had been so kind during my self-imposed isolation. As John and I were having birthdays in April one lovely Aqua Jogger made us a cake which we shared over coffee.

Christmas occurred in the middle of my treatment.  My children and grandchildren arrived with promises that I was to sit and watch and do nothing.  It was the easiest Christmas I have ever had although I did manage to prepare a trifle in advance and a “do it yourself” prawn cocktail where everyone peeled their own prawns and added lettuce, avocado, mango and homemade sauce. Best of all, the cleaning up was not my responsibility.  Instead, I spent a blissful afternoon resting on my bed underneath the fan.

As someone who values independence above all things and is a bit of a loner, it was strange and touching to have so much attention from others. It shows the importance of belonging to groups and has motivated me to help others in a similar situation when and where I can.

H for Hospital

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I made it through last night with minimal sleep. 

I had a blood pressure and temperature test at 2 am and another one at 6 am. I think I slept in between. 

Then came breakfast followed by the tablets.   Three white ones that are steroids called prednisolone, two yellow for gut protection and a pink one for kidney protection. 

John came in after breakfast and brought Saturday’s paper. I also had a Mercury (local newspaper) delivered because I am a private patient in a Public Hospital. 

John picked up his weekly pass for parking  (the other private patient benefit) and went shopping for more food. Lunch arrived, a large, rather unappetising bean salad of which I ate half. I will have to pick fibre rich meals as constipation and weight gain is a side effect of prednisolone. 

I was anxious to know if the grandchildren had made it to The Shiralee. Apparently, they had no trouble picking up the tickets and were happy with their front row seats because they could see the expression on everyone’s face. Cordelia especially was very taken with the performance as she had recently completed work experience with the Sydney Theatre Company. 

John and I sat in a recreation room with a view towards Mt Keira. It was a change from my four walls. I walked around the wards and sat up in a chair the rest of the time. After all I didn’t feel sick so lying in bed seemed a strange thing to do.

The third and final perk of being a private patient was free TV.  However, it was high on a wall and a nurse told me the sound wasn’t very good so I preferred to don my headphones and watch TV on my iPad. The monotony was alleviated by an injection in the stomach tonight with an anti-coagulant. 

The food is not shaping up to be gourmet. Dinner tonight was a boring Indian Butter Chicken with no flavour. As I was about to tackle dessert my grandson rang to tell me all about The Shiralee. The ice cream melted but it was lovely to hear from him.

Now for sleep.

Today was not so bad although I woke at 3.30 and didn’t go back to sleep.

The change of shift seemed to happen just outside my room with handovers taking place as tired medical staff left for home and sleep. Wandering down the long corridor to the bathroom I showered about 7am and felt much better.  Breakfast arrived and was surprisingly good although everything is in packets. The amount of plastic used in hospitals is mind boggling.

I was given my steroid tablets, had blood taken from my hand veins (much easier to get to) and a pin prick blood sugar test.  Blood pressure and temperature were taken and so far all is normal.

My daughter was back from her holiday in New Zealand and arrived with a big bunch of flowers but had to take them away again as they are not allowed in the wards. She and John brought me some lovely pyjamas from Peter Alexander which felt very decadent and drew appreciative comments from the nurses.

A good friend arrived at the same time so it was quite a gathering.  We tried to decamp to the recreation room but that was full of people so we grabbed some extra chairs and came back to my box room. 

My daughter and John went home to cook dinner and I read some of Mushroom Murders. My dinner arrived at 5 pm just as my son rang on his way back to Canberra from Mystery Bay where he had spent the weekend.  I was able to reassure him that everything was going well.

I watched two episodes of the second series of Professor T on my iPad. Now it’s 10.22 pm and time for bed.

Next day

This morning after breakfast I was wheeled to another level and the cannula in my arm was used  for the first time since Friday night.  I had a radioactive substance injected to indicate how well my heart was pumping.

Lunch was a boring tuna salad so I didn’t eat much.  The afternoon’s entertainment was a lumbar puncture.  I had to curl up sideways on the bed and have an epidural before a needle was stuck in my spine.  Some fluid was taken out and some chemo was put in – just a precaution apparently as there is no indication there is cancer in the spinal fluid.

I then had to lie on my back for four hours.  This is to help prevent a headache and so far, touch wood, I don’t have one.  John texted wanting to know if he should come up.  I said “yes” because I needed him to cut up my dinner as I wasn’t allowed to sit up.  I also needed more long pyjamas as I felt a bit silly walking around in shortie PJs.  

Tomorrow will be the first round of chemo. Didn’t I always say I liked to have new experiences!

F for Family Matters

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The alarm is set for 6.00 am, the first day of our time as parents of teenagers.

Back to this morning.  John drove me to the hospital for my mammogram and ultrasound.  I was soon in front of a machine intent on turning my breasts into dinner plates, flat both sides and then tilted both sides.

Next came the ultrasound which was infinitely more pleasant with a handheld machine slipping around on jelly coated skin.  The lady wasn’t smiling at the end which had me worried.  Did she see something that shouldn’t be there?

Now we are in Sydney with a long list of instructions on managing the teens starting with a 6 o’clock wake up call, breakfast, checking to see if they have everything required for school, dropping them off at the bus stop and railway station by 7.45 am.  Phew!  Then the day is ours until 3.30pm.

The parents were out of the house and off to New Zealand at 4 in the morning.  All went well with the drop offs until I received a message to say Sebastian* had left his lunch on the kitchen bench. With the wonders of modern technology his mother was able to transfer money to his credit card so he wouldn’t starve.

We picked Cordelia* up from the train at 4.38 and Sebastian arrived sometime after 5 as he had school choir practice.  He walks home from the bus stop. I helped them both with homework and study, cooked dinner, cleaned up.  I’m ready for sleep.

Every day brings a surprise.  I received a phone call from the Oncology Registrar.

It looks like I won’t be seeing him anymore as I have been diagnosed with Lymphoma (a blood cancer of the white blood cells within the lymphatic system).  What sort is yet to be revealed.  We have an appointment at 11 o’clock tomorrow so looks like a quick trip to the Gong from Sydney, making sure we get back in time to pick up the teens.

The Registrar said he was sorry not to see me again as he wanted to hear more about the Mushroom Murders.

Otherwise, it was a flat-out busy day.  Up at six supervising study, then out the door at 7.45 am, dropping Sebastion off at the bus stop.  We disappeared into a tunnel which miraculously brought us out at Olympic Park where Cordelia was rehearsing for School Spectacular.  

Rehearsing for the School Spectacular NSW Department of Education

The day flew by and before we knew it we were driving out to Ashfield Railway Station to meet Cordelia. John refuelled at Marrickville and later took Sebastian to boxing.

Tonight was a mixture of working on Geography with Cordelia and Sebastian’s assignment on Lexus cars.  I also cooked a Hello Fresh dinner and cleaned up with help from John.  We are all very tired.

Now to find out more about Lymphoma. I’m thinking that the future is looking a little brighter.

  • Not their real names

E for Eating Hello Fresh

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The unreality continues.  One moment everything is normal and then I remember.  This morning I stayed in bed until after 8 am and then filled in time until 10.45 am when we left for the Wollongong Private Hospital which is situated not far from Wollongong Public Hospital.  I took the lift to the 7th floor and was shown to a room with a green recliner chair, a TV and a view across to the Five Islands.

A cannula was inserted with a drip of radioactive glucose and I was left for an hour.  I chose to read the Mushroom Murders from chapter 4 onwards where the preliminary cases for the prosecution and defence were presented.  The book went on to describe Erin’s early life and off-again on-again marriage.  Needing a break from real life murder I swapped to my headphones and listened to my audio book, The Girl Under the Floor, by Charlie Gallagher.  Here, Detective Maddie Ives tries to solve equally puzzling mysteries but at least it is only fiction.  The hour went fast.  A nurse directed me to another room where the PET scan machine sat waiting to decide my fate.  Any cancer cells will radiate a glow. The machine moved me in and out of a high white tunnel for about half an hour but I didn’t feel claustrophobic as I’m an old hand at these things now.

Thankfully I devoured the sandwiches they gave me, had my intravenous cannula removed and went back down to the real world outside which was warm and windy.  

John drove to meet me as I walked down the hill towards Beaton Park.  It was so good to be free and I needed some exercise.  Once home John made me a good coffee and I ate too much panettone.  

This afternoon I just relaxed until evening drinks of tonic water with ice and lemon which I enjoyed.  I don’t really miss wine as the need to help my liver through this crisis is more important.

Next Day

I rang the hospital to see if it was OK to do a blood test the day after a radioactive PET scan.  They gave me the all-clear so John dropped me off at 11 o’clock and I found my way to Pathology.  The room was crowded with mainly elderly people climbing awkwardly into large chairs to have their blood taken.  The nurse had no trouble finding a vein and soon I was out of there.  John had parked at Beaton Park so again I walked down the hill to meet him.  

The Hello Fresh Box arrived today with three meals inside.  Tonight’s meal was quite tasty with fresh barramundi and vegetables. The instructions said to eat first.  As well there is a prawn dish we will have to eat tomorrow.  At least I don’t have to think with Hello Fresh.  Instructions and ingredients are all there.  I just have to chop and cook and sometimes I can listen to an audio book at the same time. My daughter started using Hello Fresh when she was juggling work and children and encouraged me to try it. Now I am so grateful to have it as a back up.

Next day

Another day of hospital visits. Again, it was my turn to go to Wollongong Private. The nurse was very friendly and chatty and so was the doctor. I had three anaesthetic injections and then four biopsies taken from a lymph gland under my arm.  It didn’t hurt at all. I wish I was having the mammogram there but that will be over the road at Wollongong Public.

On the way home I bought four tickets online for The Shiralee. We will be teen sitting next week so a trip to the Opera House will be something the grandchildren will remember they did with Nanna.  The play, The Shiralee, is based on the book by D’Arcy Niland about a swagman called Macauley and his young daughter, Buster, whom he takes on the road.  My father used to call me his Shiralee, although we travelled in the relative comfort of a truck all over country New South Wales.

B for Blue Lagoon Cruise

lindamaycurry13 Comments

Today at 10 o’clock I get to do a full CT scan, head to toe, to find the cancer. I have an appointment at 3.30 pm on Thursday to be given the news.  Can’t wait.  At this stage I feel I can’t tell the family because I don’t know exactly what is wrong with me but I should know by then.

The major concern is how quickly I go downhill and how John will manage without me.  I will have to make sure he has all the information about banking, paying bills, passwords etc. as that has become my job in the last few years.

We decided against Aqua Fit today.  There was just too much to process. I imagine as soon as the cancer is found I will go to a specialist and then be in hospital for surgery if it is not too far gone.  Then I suppose there will be chemotherapy and or radiation.  I most probably will have to cancel the trip to Fiji (Blue Lagoon Cruise next April).  I booked it to coincide with my 75th birthday.  We were to fly out from Sydney on April 1st, board the Fiji Princess on the 3rd, visit a different island every day with snorkelling off the boat, exploring tropical beaches and visiting villages.  John would also celebrate his 81st birthday on the cruise.  I even took out insurance to cover all his medical problems. It didn’t occur to me I would have any of my own!

Fiji Princess

Then should we sell the house?  Maybe we should begin by selling the caravan as I can’t imagine John going off travelling on his own.  Maybe I should start reading about “Swedish Death Cleaning” while I still have the energy. One thing is for sure, if I’m seriously ill I’m getting a house cleaner!

I was awake most of last night just thinking so hopefully will have a full night’s sleep tonight. 

I had to finish eating before 8 am and then drink 750 ml of water.  Finally, 9.45 am dragged around and John drove me to PPG Imaging. They injected iodine dye into my vein and I had a head, neck, shoulder to pelvis CT scan which is:

Computed Tomography Scan, using specialised X-rays and computer technology to produce detailed, cross sectional 2D or 3D images of bones, organs and tissues.

I wonder what they will find?

Apparently, my doctor is booking me in to see a Neurosurgeon (a specialist who diagnoses, treats and manages disorders of brain, spinal cord, spinal column and peripheral nerves). Maybe this is all a bad dream and it is just some benign tumour on the spine.  One can hope!

To keep my myself busy I advertised the kayaks and the roof racks on Facebook Marketplace. Might as well start decluttering.

Some time later: I was able to cancel the Blue Lagoon Cruise and the flights with Fiji Air. I lost the deposit and a portion of the air fares but the travel insurance covered the lost money. A big thank you to the Registrar in Haematology for his supportive letter to the insurance company.

Even later:

On the 4th April we heard that the Fiji Princess ran aground near Castaway Island (of Tom Hanks fame). All passengers were taken by boat to Port Denarau. There were no injuries. It was the second day of the cruise so alternative arrangements were made with hotels and day trips. The bad weather caused the ship’s anchor to move and the ship was washed onto a reef. I don’t feel so bad about missing the cruise.