Life is a bit like a Yo Yo. The fact that the lymphoma has vanished is encouraging, although that is what I expected. It is the doubt cast over “possible malignant process in the mesentery” that causes concern.

The visit to the colorectal surgeon was an eye opener. Just as well I read the reviews about him online before attending the surgery. He didn’t have what one would call a bedside manner and mumbled as he talked so it was hard to understand everything he said but apparently he is very competent which is the most important thing.

He booked me into Wollongong Public Hospital for a laparoscopic biopsy of mesenteric lymph nodes in eleven days time. He couldn’t do it sooner and is going away in three week’s. He described the operation, especially the “exciting” bits where his face lit up with enthusiasm. Obviously he loves his job.

That means changing my medical appointment for my driver’s licence. In NSW, when you turn 75, you have to undergo a medical examination every year to prove you are still capable of being on the road. This time it will be accompanied by a Health and Welfare check which is funded by Medicare for the over 75s. That definitely does not apply to me, I keep thinking. I can’t be that old.

I have moved that appointment to thirteen days time so hope I’m up and about by then. As this is all happening in April, I hope to be able to inform you of the result of the biopsy by the time we get to Z.

I have to consider the next option if the biopsy shows signs of lymphoma. The haemotologist offhandedly said if lymphoma recurred I would go to Westmead Hospital for CAR T-Cell Therapy and then I would be cured. Such confidence!

I thought I had better prepare for the worst so did some digging. Westmead Hospital is a leading centre in Australia for CAR T-Cell therapy. The specialised immunotherapy offered involves reprogramming a patient’s own T-cells to attack cancer cells. It involves an initial hospital stay of 10 to 14 days. Following discharge the patient must stay within one hour of the hospital for at least 30 days for close monitoring of side effects like cytokine release syndrome. The hospital is 1 hour and 20 minutes by car from my home and 33 minutes from my daughter.

That looks like a lot of driving! Let’s hope it doesn’t come to that but one has to be prepared. I wasn’t concerned when I spoke to the haematologist but reading the reports from the CT scan and the PET scan are considerably more scary.

Let’s hope Z is for Zero signs of lymphoma, Zero further treatment, and Zero worries. Or it could be Zen, a state of calm, peace and acceptance of the present moment.