After a few cycles I almost knew what to expect on each and every day. Walking out of the Cancer Care Centre was the most wonderful feeling of freedom with a whole three weeks ahead before it started again.  This is what I wrote after the first visit to the Day Centre.

John dropped me off at the front.  I walked into the Cancer Care section and took the lift up to the 2nd floor.  Wrong.  Down to the first floor.

I had to wait in the waiting room for ten minutes.  Then I was introduced to my nurse Mia and shown to a reclining chair.

The order of chemo was changed from the one I had in hospital.  The Retuximab was infused first and took several hours. The other drugs all took less time and I was all finished in about five hours. My nurse was a senior nurse but she had just returned from maternity leave and said even in ten months things had changed a lot.  She was being reaccredited so had another nurse watching and discussing everything that took place.  All went well except it took two goes to get the cannula into a vein.

I came home with a bag of goodies, creams, mouthwash, lip balm.  Also chose two turbans made by local sewers for free. One I like because you can thread a scarf through it which gives it a bit more bulk.  I will try to buy some scarves in different colours for the other hats I have.

The time was filled with reading and listening to my audio books. Once a volunteer chaplain stopped by to talk. I told her I wasn’t religious but was happy to talk anyway. I had imagined that I might chat to the other people getting their infusions but they were too far away and every time I went there were different people in the chairs. The nurses were looking after several people at once so didn’t have much time to talk either. I did notice before Christmas that they wore colourful festive uniforms and asked if they were supplied. It seems they have to buy them but they can put them aside to use next year. They are a long way from the starched white dresses of the old days but far more practical and comfortable.

After each infusion, days 1 to 6 were not too unpleasant. Sometimes I had energy thanks to the steroids and was motivated to clean out cupboards and place unwanted goods on Marketplace. I might have a slight headache or feel a bit groggy but it was bearable.  The main problem was not being able to sleep at night so the doctor gave me a prescription for Temezapam which was to be used only when absolutely necessary.  I found I didn’t need it after the first few days. On the fourth day I would report to my Medical Centre for have an injection of Pelgraz, which stimulates the bone marrow to produce more white blood cells.  It was suggested I might like to do this injection in the stomach myself but I vehemently declined as I can’t even stand to look at needles.

The side effects of Pelgraz are bone pain but I found taking an anti-histamine and Panadol removed any unpleasant symptoms for a while at least.

Day 7 was usually a shock as each cycle I dared to hope that it would be different to last time.  It’s funny how memories fade and If I hadn’t written down how I felt it I would not believe it.  The effect of the steroids wore off and all of a sudden the whole body reacted to the drugs killing the cancer cells.  I think I was lucky because I have read of people who were much worse off than I was.

For about seven days it felt a bit like having the flu.  All my body ached, with swollen glands and blocked ears. My feet swelled up so that shoes no longer fitted, sore spots appeared in my mouth and throat to make eating and swallowing difficult, appetite disappeared and a mild feeling of nausea was ever present.  Tummy upsets were common and constipation became so serious I rang a lovely, kind cancer care nurse called Jewel who suggested I come in for an X-ray.  Much as I didn’t want to go back to the hospital I agreed and was cheered by the fact that there was nothing copious glasses of Movacol and Coloxyl wouldn’t fix.  I learnt to be better prepared in future.

I noticed numbness on my fingertips and in my toes.  This spread along the soles of my feet.  It wasn’t painful, just strange, like walking on soft straw.  The doctor said it was neuropathy and to prevent it getting worse he left Vincristine out of my sixth and last cycle. The strength in my legs reduced markedly.  Whereas before I could easily stand up out of a lounge chair while holding a tray I now had to place the tray on the floor and use the arm of the chair to help me stand.

As my hair began thinning John cut it short so the pillow was no longer covered in hair.  Eventually I asked him to give me a buzz cut which looked better than wispy bits of hair standing on end. My big toenails turned black and started lifting off, maybe from the pressure of my shoes so I invested in a pair of wide toed joggers and socks with individual toes.

Fortunately these symptoms didn’t all appear at the same time and there were medications for nausea, a mouthwash for the Mucositis (sore mouth and throat), Panadol for aches and pains and no need to do anything but try and get a meal on the table at night.  The frozen meals were a godsend.

Then around day 14 I would begin to feel normal.  After each cycle I noticed a few more symptoms lingering but on the whole I felt ready to face it all again by the time day 21 arrived.

What a relief each time I left the Cancer Car Centre, especially after infusion number 6.